Archive for the Writer Mama Category

Reworking – Moment by Moment

Posted in All Our Dreams, Autumn Wilder, Book Love, Growing Things, Music Love, Writer Mama on June 22, 2009 by Michelle Taylor
  • She’s lost another tooth.  The lack of any baby-ness in her face and attitude right now is scaring the crap out of me.  My tool box feels dusty.  Old ways of doing are rapidly becoming extinct.  NEED NEW TOOLS NOW!

Autumn 1

Autumn2

  • My garden is one of the most amazing pieces of art I’ve ever created.  Truly the essence of what beauty is.  What a little seed can do.  Climbing just like my girl into adolescence.  They are both shaking me to my very core every time I look their way.

garden

  • Thinking of Pa, Dad and Don today.  And the way that I am becoming more and more entangled in the web of him-hood.  I’ve always been a girl of girls, women surrounding women, only letting in the few men in my life.  For the first time, I’m opening to the possibility.  Loss allows for so much newness.
  • The day dad had his heart attack I stopped cleaning my house.  I’m not sure what this is about and what to do other than keep closing doors when people come over.  Priorities, the whiff of possible mortality in the air, carrying more and more terrifying sadness with me day to day?  I don’t have the answer but I must figure this out soon.
  • Writing.  I thought I would quit you.  But then all of a sudden, my fingers ache to word-play all day long.  It’s been my computer and me for days, reworking my head into something I can live with.  Hopefully.
  • Poetry and music have taken over my entire synapses.  It must be Solstice romancing me back to the earth.  (As I wrote that last sentence, thunder rolled and lightening struck.  Must be an omen.)

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Wild Geese

by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Around the Block and Back Again

Posted in Adventures, Autumn Wilder, Learning Mama, Writer Mama on April 13, 2009 by Michelle Taylor

For a while now, I’ve been trying to decide whether to continue this blog or not. Autumn is getting older and I want her to start having a say in whether I talk about her in this space. Also, when I write about controversial topics or topics that people close to me have other opinions about, stuff happens – people get upset, judgmental, hurt. So, I decided to stop or at least take a long breather, after a rather large family debacle.

I actually started this blog to be a companion, an alternate view of me as I documented my mama life through my column at Mamazine. My column had my alternate voice, the political nature of motherhood, the down and dirty, nitty gritty, no fluff side. And of course I was hit with a truck load of criticism. So, I created this space to show that I could mix gritty and soft. Then Mamazine sadly stopped its publication last month.

I decided that I might just follow suit and I wrote my last post, at least for a while. Then I begin to feel a little like I was missing one of my limbs or at least my therapist. Then I went back through my archives and read the story of a life, of many lives, of this journey of childhood, motherhood – good and bad. What a document my child will have, a document most of us don’t have of our childhoods and the inner thought of our moms. And then I realized that if I stop here, the documentation of our life together will end. And I possibly may need this space to get through my days as a mom, a partner and teacher.

I didn’t realize how very important it was to my life. How much I depend on sending my worries and joys out into the cyber world, whether anyone reads them or not. It’s the process – the decompression at the end of the day, the deconstruction of hard and joyous moments that help me move on to the moments ahead.

Who knew. So, I think I’ll take a break. But I just have to leave the possibility of returning, of continuing this rant, this roll, this journal of our lives as we piss people off and bring people joy – at least for a little while longer.

Before and After Autumn

Posted in Autumn Wilder, Photo Love, Reader Mama, Writer Love, Writer Mama on February 16, 2009 by Michelle Taylor

I use to write poetry all of the time.  Read dense work, analyze, read professional analyzes of said dense work, tag, underline, discuss said work just for fun.  I use to stay up all night, burning with need, painting, drawing, writing it ALL out, until spent I slept the day away.  I use to make work, wrap my mind in words, all day, all night long, even if it was only in my head.

Now I worry. I work.  I clean.  I cook.  I fold.  I wash.  I worry.  I watch the cleaning, the washing, the folding, the worrying deconstruct as fast as I can get it done.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost the words, the drive to read dense work, the brain cells gone to discuss said work just for fun.  My mind pulses one thing when I’m not busy fixing the world to make way for her: AUTUMN.  AUTUMN.  AUTUMN.

So, mostly instead of words, I take pictures.  Mostly of Autumn.  But also of other things.   Sometimes of words.  Maybe not so dense, but real.  Capturing something that it feels like I’ve lost, in another medium.  In another language.  In a form that only takes a tilt of head, a slant of light and a click of my finger.

I guess it will do for now.  Pulse: AUTUMN.

Lifting the Caul

Posted in Autumn Wilder, People We Love, Photo Love, Writer Mama on December 21, 2008 by Michelle Taylor

…between the spirit world and ours.

A peaceful Winter Solstice to all.

Obama Mama Gear

Posted in Parenthood is Political, Reader Mama, Writer Mama on October 1, 2008 by Michelle Taylor

Find it over at Mamazine where you’ll also find my column!

Proceeds go to the Obama Campaign!

This Mortal Coil

Posted in Autumn Wilder, Learning Mama, Writer Mama on September 14, 2008 by Michelle Taylor

My new column is up at Mamazine.

Poem

Posted in mamazine, Poetry Love, Writer Mama on April 27, 2008 by Michelle Taylor

I have a little poem up at Mamazine this week.  It’s even kind of happy.  Shocking.