Around the Block and Back Again

For a while now, I’ve been trying to decide whether to continue this blog or not. Autumn is getting older and I want her to start having a say in whether I talk about her in this space. Also, when I write about controversial topics or topics that people close to me have other opinions about, stuff happens – people get upset, judgmental, hurt. So, I decided to stop or at least take a long breather, after a rather large family debacle.

I actually started this blog to be a companion, an alternate view of me as I documented my mama life through my column at Mamazine. My column had my alternate voice, the political nature of motherhood, the down and dirty, nitty gritty, no fluff side. And of course I was hit with a truck load of criticism. So, I created this space to show that I could mix gritty and soft. Then Mamazine sadly stopped its publication last month.

I decided that I might just follow suit and I wrote my last post, at least for a while. Then I begin to feel a little like I was missing one of my limbs or at least my therapist. Then I went back through my archives and read the story of a life, of many lives, of this journey of childhood, motherhood – good and bad. What a document my child will have, a document most of us don’t have of our childhoods and the inner thought of our moms. And then I realized that if I stop here, the documentation of our life together will end. And I possibly may need this space to get through my days as a mom, a partner and teacher.

I didn’t realize how very important it was to my life. How much I depend on sending my worries and joys out into the cyber world, whether anyone reads them or not. It’s the process – the decompression at the end of the day, the deconstruction of hard and joyous moments that help me move on to the moments ahead.

Who knew. So, I think I’ll take a break. But I just have to leave the possibility of returning, of continuing this rant, this roll, this journal of our lives as we piss people off and bring people joy – at least for a little while longer.

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