Talking It Out

I’ve been thinking non-stop about next year and all of our myriad of possibilities for “school” and Autumn.

Options:

1.) Stay at our wonderful school with me (which has been the plan forever.)

2.) Homeschooling with the co-op we’ve been working on creating with wonderful people that we’ve known for five years (the plan that seems to best fit Autumn’s way in the world).

3.) Go to a wonderful new school that will probably cost more money than we have but that would give Autumn her very own space, something that I sometimes think would be good for her.

I’ve tried not to talk about any of this to others in front of her although we’ve had small discussions with her about it, especially after the school visit.

The other day on the way to “our” school, I was driving and all of these wonderful yet stressful options were going through my head at rapid speed while I waited for the stop light to turn but I hadn’t spoken about them at all.  I heard Autumn from the back seat start to cry and when I asked what was wrong she said in the most heart breaking way, “Mama, I don’t want to go to a new, far away school, I want to go to our school, it’s the best school.  I want you to be my teacher.  I promise that when I’m older, I’ll go to a new, far away school.”

Searing heart pain at the stop light for Mama.

Because no matter what, no matter what anyone says, no matter what could possibly be best in the “general sense” for any and everyone (boy do people have a ton of opinions when it comes to school and what is best for your child), I will never be able to leave Autumn somewhere that makes her heart break that way.  We are going to continue talking, processing and visiting the school but at the end of the day, she gets to have a say in what happens.

And dammit we are just meant to be together, us two heart breakers (because in my opinion it is okay to be close and protective of your child).

The End.

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