Why Do I Always Forget?

That we need to do things a little differently from the norm with Autumn.

And that it is okay.

Hell, who wants to be normal anyway.  Although it is hard to be the one outside the norm when it comes to parenting.

So, here I am lowering my voice, remembering who my Autumn is, who her parent’s are and what we want from this life – happiness, laughter, love.

With a little disorder, a little chaos – it’s all okay.


2 Responses to “Why Do I Always Forget?”

  1. Brittaney Says:

    Some good ‘ol opinions of mine~

    “It’s all too complicated and born of manipulation and control. So, screw the rules.”

    Well, I think that rules can certainly be manipulative or controlling.. but I definitely think that is 50/50. Some rules are created by parents for other reasons, and I do think that many adults are capable of deciding and realizing what rules are manipulative or controlling, or created for some other reason.

    My music director Casey Mcnett told me a story once. He had lived with two parents who had a daughter of two. She had no rules either, due to reasons known to the parents, which I don’t know. Personal decision, laziness, confusion, whatever. I don’t know.

    Well, this girl was given the choice of choosing whatever pajamas she wanted every night for bed. Each night resulted in the same thing: the girl wailed and wailed because 1. she was tired and 2. she could not make a decision. The parents would become frustrated and so would she. She’d want the pink pair or the bunnies or even both. Etc. She was tired, end of the night.. decision making not so good. Basic biology.

    Casey said to me frequently that a child should definitely be given choices at times. I agreed. If the child had been given a smaller, less overwhelming choice, she might be better off. Perhaps saying, here’s the bunny and here’s the pink stars, which do you want tonight? I can speak from personal experience that having fewer choices does make things easier for me. Visually taking in all my choices and weighing them causes frustration.

    The fits she had every night resulted in bad moods the next day from exhaustion. She could barely get out of bed. On nights where she did not have a fit, she was fine. Casey noticed this. It is obvious the child’s amount of pajama freedom was mediocre in comparison to the emotional instability it was causing her.

    I think that if I created a rule for that girl–that she chooses between two pajamas a night instead of fifteen, would definitely not be a matter of manipulation or control. It would be an adult decision to provide my child with an easier situation. Obviously it was not working anyways–and causing emotional reactions rather than encouraging positive decision making skills.

    I have encountered many positive rules in my life that, while they may not have been enjoyable to follow at the time, did encourage positive constructive behavior.

    I also question whether defying parental authority at that point is a response to frustration, sleepyness, anger etc. or actually is a need/calculated choice to explore life in an alternative way. I am sure that a child has needs and choices to explore life alternatively, but I also see children frequently defying authority for the sake of defying it, or because they want something..

    As a bipolar/schizoaffective/whatever they have decided I am at this point, I’ve learned that personal rules are a go. I have had to learn to make rules for myself and others. I frequently try to make choices that are beyond my emotional ability. I try to have emotionally charged discussions that are beyond my ability to control, and what is more, it is beyond my ability to control myself in them. I have had to learn to step back and control myself and follow rules, for sure. They’ve prevented emotional reactions, fights, exhaustion, the inability to wake in the morning, unhealthy spending, low grades.. etc.

    I am a firm believer in rules with itegrity. I think the intent and spirit of a rule should be the decider of whether it is constructive or useful; not simply judged on whether it is a rule. I know many adults who have genuine concern for their children in making rules. And I do think that children can manipulate their parents without any rules at all.. in fact, I think many children create rules for their parents.. without even voicing them. 😉

  2. Anything which causes harm to oneself or another should never be tolerated: hitting, name calling, lieing, stealing. Then there are rules which are either instituted or not for the betterment of the child: bed times, school attendance, social activities and social behavior.
    Autumn is a loving child, we can all use guidence at some point.

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