Days

Why do those worst, dreadful, convoluted days come right after those hopeful, magical, wonder fill days?

How does one day of thinking having this nearly five-year-old spirit spinning me through space has made my life dreamy and surreal in love and the next day I have to fight the urge to keep from blurting out, “What the fuck was I thinking becoming a mother!”

I was going to post about the most lovely of days that we had on Friday with my dad, Autumn’s grandpa – it really couldn’t have been more picture perfect but then today happened – those days that can do no right, days filled with headache, cramps reminiscent of labor, and a late-in-date, four-year-old constantly poking, prodding, testing, testing, testing since before 8am.

Desperate for the attention of her aunties, hyped on graduation cake, ransacking me, ramming her bolder hard head into my spine by surprise.

By afternoon, nothing I did with her was with kindness-it had all leaked out on the green grass at grandma’s.

Then we packed up, headed home and somehow all was well in our little world again as we held hands, made up stories and drifted to sleep with the rocking car.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow will be sunny and we’ll work it out together. And I’ll post about that forever etched day in my life that we created on Friday with grandpa, daddy, Autumn, Rosa, me, seven trout and a turtle.

‘Till then, bless this mama for she hath no patience today.

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3 Responses to “Days”

  1. Thank you for saying this out loud. I’m feeling that way lately too, such a mystery this parenting life.
    Here’s to a better today, and a less bumpy landing the next time things swing from idyllic to less than idyllic.

  2. Yes, thank you thank you for posting about a difficult day. It’s so hard to lose patience, to feel completely drained and not be able to eke out a bit of kindness for our little ones. I hate that feeling, but the guilt following it is even worse.

    As you clearly know, tomorrow is another day…

  3. You said it best, you gotta take the sour with the sweet!

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