A Brain Matter

I speak and somehow between the thought and the words vomiting forth, the original idea spins around inside my infantile brain, blowing fuses here and there, then spills forth in a frothy sputum I hardly recognize.

I’m constantly reevaluating what I say, laying awake at night beating myself up. Is this a common human trait? Are there people out there perfectly sure of what to say in every given situation? Or all we all just fumbling along? I think I’m on the right track, trying to make light of a hard moment and when the words land, I’m sure I’m insulting everyone around me.

I try to be kind. I’m not a floating above the earth in lotus position type of human but I try to at least not be insulting. Yet, often I feel like what I translate from idea to fruition is just not really what I want to put in the world.

If I could only write everything down, with spell check and my thesaurus and then hand out notes, all would be well. Somebody hire me to write something already and then I wouldn’t have to bless us all with my verbal blather.

Maybe I will get some pointers from the Dalai Lama, I’ll be hangin’ with him all weekend.

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2 Responses to “A Brain Matter”

  1. I’ve never heard an insult spill forth….you are quite eloquent. Please take notes and share, it looks like it will be a lovely weekend!

  2. The world might be a stage and we might be the players, but we sure as hell do not have a script before us. I will sometimes go back to a conversation I had with someone, days later, in hopes that I can rectify some idiosyncratic point that I have allowed to fester in my head. Somehow I do think that those of us who lie awake reevaluating our daily conversations are in the minority.

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