I’m sure it’s all Bush’s fault…

Today on the way to school with Autumn singing along to the Dixie Chicks, (I use to kind of like their new CD but now that we have to play “Autumn’s favorite” every time we’re in the car – I now HATE it, even if it does Bush slam) I started to cry and not because of the Dixie Chicks or the state of our country and world. On the other hand, maybe it is the state of our country and world because today I just wanted to stay home with my baby three year old, be together, and maybe or positively have another baby.

I do LOVE being a teacher but now that Autumn isn’t in my class in the afternoons and we’re apart for six hours a day, I’m either having some sort of babyitus, even though I’m busy as H.E. double L. or I just feel like I’m missing out on too much of Autumn’s day to day life. And even though I know somewhere deep down that being at home alone with Autumn caused me extreme depression and major separation anxiety every time we left each other or the house, I can only look back on our first year together alone as perfect and slow and rhythmic and full of warm, milky sanctity.

However, I cannot quit my job since we make very little as it is (this is where the “Bush’s fault” idea comes into play – people with $50,000 in student loans, one of us teaching our future citizens and way too many college degrees on the shelf shouldn’t make as little as we do) and I do LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my class and our school. And I guess I should mention Autumn is enjoying school so much more because I’m not there, in her way, reminding her of all things baby (since apparently I can’t remember that she is three!) Moreover, if you read my column, you know that unless by some small miracle or unless I change partners, I won’t be having another baby either. I guess I’m just sad about both of these baby-losing issues – one baby is not a baby anymore and one baby isn’t going to come.

In addition, I’ve cut out alcohol. Someone hit me with a ton of bricks, PLEASE!


One Response to “I’m sure it’s all Bush’s fault…”

  1. what???? no alcohol? of course you’re sad darling. Go over to Vaughn’s and just look at the menu and tell me if they are having melontinis. No need to have one. Let’s just remember… oh the days gone by. Why don’t you just fly on out here and have a little visit. There’s plenty of room and I usually have the house to myself (plus Iz) anyway…

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